Please support your Forums and purchase some Merchandise

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

News: Our OzIsuzu Forums Merchandise  help keep our forum going! :icon_thumleft:

Please register to join the community and see all of the OzIsuzu Forums
SimplePortal 2.3.7 © 2008-2021, SimplePortal

Author Topic: JUST JOKES!  (Read 1657 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline wj957

JUST JOKES!
« on: Sep 02, 2021, 08:20:38 PM »
If you've got a cracker, share it here.

If you are sensitive, easily offended of just like stirring sheite. Don't venture any further.

Post away with all your political/racial/religious jokes, in the good 'ol Aussie 'piss take' fashion.
Prisoner of HERR Pala-CHOOK!
 

Offline Where-to-next

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #1 on: Sep 02, 2021, 09:07:26 PM »
My daughter loves this one.......

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and a spade.

Sent from my SM-N976B using Tapatalk

 
The following users thanked this post: Seshman, wj957

Offline wj957

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #2 on: Sep 02, 2021, 09:58:41 PM »
My wife said she was moving to Sydney because she could $500 a shot for sex there.

Well I said, then I'm movin to Sydney with you.

When she inquired why?

I said, "I wanna see you live on $1000 a year".
Prisoner of HERR Pala-CHOOK!
 
The following users thanked this post: yvesjv, Seshman

Offline Big bad Col

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #3 on: Sep 03, 2021, 11:13:40 AM »
Two cannibals were eating a clown, one said to the other "does this taste funny to you?"
 
The following users thanked this post: yvesjv

Offline Aaron S

  • LS-M Member
  • **
  • Join Date: Jul 2021
  • Location: Lakes Entrance, Victoria
  • Posts: 65
  • Thanked: 29 times
  • Car Type: DMAX
Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #4 on: Sep 03, 2021, 12:26:05 PM »
I was waiting in line at the ATM the other day when the old lady in front of me at the machine
asked if I could check her balance.

So I gave her a push and she fell over......

I told her it wasn't very good  :toothy9:

 

Offline 257Bob

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #5 on: Sep 03, 2021, 02:55:18 PM »
Paddy and Mick were driving up to Dublin.  Paddy looks out the window and sees all the trees, road signs and hedges zooming past at a great speed. 

So Paddy turns to Mick and says, "Geez Michael, would you slow up a wee bit please?"

Mick turns to Paddy and says with a confused look on his face' "But I taut you were doin' the drivin' today".
Baldrick, your breath comes straight from Satan's bottom.
 

Offline irose

  • LS-U Member
  • ***
  • Join Date: Dec 2018
  • Location: Ulladulla, NSW
  • Posts: 130
  • Thanked: 55 times
  • Car Type: MUX
Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #6 on: Sep 03, 2021, 03:09:56 PM »
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bar tender says to the rabbit "what'll you have”? The rabbit says "I'm not sure I'm only here because of auto correct”.
 

Offline yvesjv

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #7 on: Sep 03, 2021, 04:17:30 PM »
When I was growing up, the sign # was called pound, and not hashtag
Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message!

 

Offline 257Bob

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #8 on: Sep 03, 2021, 04:54:03 PM »
Paddy had just bought a new car and took it back to the dealer to complain.

Dealer:  What's up Paddy?

Paddy:  The new car won't reach 60 up my hill!

Dealer:  That's a very steep hill where you live Paddy.  What's wrong with not reaching 60?

Paddy:  I live at 97. 
Baldrick, your breath comes straight from Satan's bottom.
 

Offline mach

  • SX Member
  • *
  • Join Date: Mar 2017
  • Location: Melbourne East
  • Posts: 19
  • Thanked: 3 times
  • Car Type: DMAX
Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #9 on: Sep 04, 2021, 11:51:52 AM »
I went to the doctor for that horrible prostate exam,
The doctor cautioned me that "sometimes it can cause an erection",
I replied that "I think I will be alright",
He replied "I wasn't talking about you"
 

Offline yvesjv

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #10 on: Sep 05, 2021, 07:55:06 AM »
A girl trying on some shorts asked her boyfriend, ‘Does my bum look big in this?’
The boyfriend went ‘Ummm, welllll, ahh….’
The girlfriend said ‘Come on honey. We’ve been together for so long now. You can tell me anything and I won’t be upset. I want you to be honest with me’
‘Ok’ said the boyfriend ‘I dated your sister’.
 

Offline yvesjv

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #11 on: Sep 23, 2021, 06:05:22 AM »
 

Offline Navigator

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #12 on: Sep 23, 2021, 08:56:07 AM »
Earthquake response from the Feds below, love funny satire.
https://chaser.com.au/national/nsw-to-receive-700m-disaster-relief-after-victoria-hit-by-earthquake/

ROTFL  Sadly, it's not too far from the truth.
 

Offline Luigi

  • LS-U Member
  • ***
  • Join Date: Mar 2017
  • Location: FNQ
  • Posts: 154
  • Thanked: 29 times
  • Car Type: DMAX
Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #13 on: Sep 24, 2021, 08:45:05 PM »
Proud husband to stranger on train: " Look at this pic of my wife, isn't she stunning?"

Stranger: 'Geez mate if you think she's stunning, you should see my wife!'

Husband: 'Really, is she gorgeous too?'

Stranger: 'No, she's an optician'
2017 LS-U DMax spacecab. Manual, Ally tray back, Ally canopy, stock wheels, Ironman suspension and B/Bar. Safari snorkel and ProVent 200.
 
The following users thanked this post: yvesjv

Offline guyfromaus

Re: JUST JOKES!
« Reply #14 on: Sep 24, 2021, 10:45:43 PM »
TWO ladies having a chat
one says my grandma is 100 years old and got a letter from  the Queen
the other said my daughter is 14 and  got a text from Prince Andrew!
 

 

SimplePortal 2.3.7 © 2008-2021, SimplePortal